Browsing All Posts filed under »Marriage and Divorce«

Divorcing and Mediating, 101

October 27, 2014 by

2

Did you ever get the feeling you might have missed something? (In point of fact, I had that feeling all through organic chemistry, and, since I never really could figure out what I missed–but knew for certain I hadn’t gotten ‘it’–I wisely took a pass on medical school. There’s a moral in that story somewhere–let’s […]

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: High Conflict Marriages and Their Impact on Children #1

October 26, 2014 by

0

In the last five posts I addressed several different kinds of problem marriages, where often the basic underpinnings of the marriage are weak, and thus one or more partners often ends up asking if they should stay or go. Let me just finish that topic by saying this: So many spouses in these  kinds of […]

Let’s Get Wonky: The Research on Mediation? Yup–It Really Works

October 26, 2014 by

0

There’s nothing I find more satisfying than believing in something–and then knowing that the research backs me up. When it happens the other way it’s a total bummer. But I happen to be in luck on the topic of mediation, for not only do I think it’s a better way to go through your divorce than an […]

Mediation: Good For Me, Good For You, and Good For the Kids

October 25, 2014 by

2

 So let’s say you’re in a “what’s in it for me?” stance when the option of mediation is broached. It’s reasonable–you’ve been through a terrible time in your marriage, and you don’t want to get taken for a ride. You’re really stuck: That jerk from the previous post told you for all those years he couldn’t take […]

“I Should’ve Known!”: Signs That Your Date Is Insensitive, Difficult, or Self-Centered

October 24, 2014 by

16

Do you remember that commercial where the man is drinking a soda (if I remember correctly), filling his body and coating his teeth with refined sugars and providing nothing in the way of nutrition, and then, in a burst of heaven-sent inspiration, realizes (a bit too late, it seems), “I could’ve had a V8!”? Really, as […]

You CAN Stay: Making It Work

October 20, 2014 by

0

Judith and Jay* had a checkered relationship, as so many long-term marrieds do. They had weathered raising the children, as well as the empty-nest syndrome. Sometimes she drove him round the bend with her non-stop chatter and tendency to cheer-lead; she not so infrequently considered offing him when he began one of his political tirades, or went […]

If the Wife Takes an Antidepressant, is the Husband Protected From Suicide?

October 20, 2014 by

5

About one in every 10 Americans takes an antidepressant these days. A Center for Disease Control and Prevention Data Brief, “Antidepressant Use in Persons Aged 12 and Over: United States, 2005–2008,” shares some interesting statistics about how usage has grown, and who’s leading the charge. For example, Antidepressants were the third most common prescription drug […]

How In the WORLD Could This Work?: The Possibilities of Mediation

October 17, 2014 by

1

Julie* came from a wealthy family–grew up with that proverbial silver spoon practically shoved down her throat. Were her parents thrilled when she met Jim,* who was in and out of jobs and who had never owned or rented his own apartment–and then shared the news that the two would be married within a few […]

“A Room Of Her Own:” Or How To Try To Create That Impression in the Blended Family, Part II

October 14, 2014 by

0

Not being an interior designer, nor in possession of the perfect algorithm for creating peace in public spaces among warring step-sibs, I can just suggest a few ideas as you work together to share space among your newly-created family. But I do know that everyone needs their space. I’m reminded of the story of Ronda* […]

“He’s MY Daddy:” Campaigning For Attention in the Blended Family: New Spouse vs. Children

October 12, 2014 by

0

To finish off this series on the blended family, let’s address what happens when the ones campaigning for attention of a certain parent are a child–and the new spouse. Look, let’s face it. Your child has very little cause to be invested in your new marriage. Either he’d like things to go back the way […]

“He’s MY Daddy:” Campaigning For Attention in the Blended Family: The Step-Siblings

October 11, 2014 by

0

To start your proactive work on preventing rivalry for a parent’s attention between siblings or between children and a new spouse, I recommend that you as the parent and step-parent consciously partition your home time into four parts: time with the blended family all together, time with your spouse alone, time with your own children […]

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Changing the Ground Rules #3: “I Changed My Mind,” ct’d

October 10, 2014 by

0

Well, your spouse pulled that old Mitt Romney, “I changed my mind” on you, and now you don’t even recognize your own marital territory. It’s hard–and my heart goes out to you. But before you make any decisions, I think you need to get over your righteous indignation. Yes, you’re right that it’s unfair–it really […]