Browsing All Posts filed under »Finances«

Money Matters in Couple Relationships: Early Warning Signs

November 3, 2014 by


One of my jobs as an adviser to couples is to inquire about early warning signs. In the Oct. 13 New Yorker I read the story of one Mathew Martoma, whose long-held secret was outed when the feds arrested him, in front of his wife, on insider trading charges. Luckily for his marriage, that wife was […]

Let’s Get Wonky: The Research on Mediation? Yup–It Really Works

October 26, 2014 by


There’s nothing I find more satisfying than believing in something–and then knowing that the research backs me up. When it happens the other way it’s a total bummer. But I happen to be in luck on the topic of mediation, for not only do I think it’s a better way to go through your divorce than an […]

The Costs of Job Stress

October 9, 2014 by


One of our followers, Julia Smith, offered to share with our readers the following charming blog on the effects of work and college stress, and I thought everyone might enjoy what for us is a breather.  Have “fun.” Image compliments of Top 10 Online Colleges  

Money Matters in Couple Relationships: Avoid Financial Betrayal: Be Your Own Detective, REPRISE

September 2, 2014 by


In my series of posts on Money Matters in Couple Relationships, I wrote several entries regarding how to avoid financial betrayal, and gave some general pieces of advice, as you can see there. I warned in those posts against ignorance of financial matters in a relationship, much as a person might like to abdicate financial responsibility. […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part VII–Avoid Financial Betrayal: Getting Taken to the Cleaners, the Poorhouse, or Worse–to Jail

August 30, 2014 by


I’d like to return for a bit to the topic of financial issues in couple relationships–see entries below for the beginning of this ‘bloggersation.’ A beautiful woman with a twice-mortgaged house in an expensive suburb finds her husband somewhat less than enamored with her chronic spending. Fights ensue after each purchase that she finds reasonable–a […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part II

August 30, 2014 by


So, let’s assume, for the moment, that I’m that marriage counselor competent in financial matters mentioned in my last entry, and a couple with an unequal money-power ratio has come to me. Let’s assume you, the reader, are part of that dyad. So, if you’re the controlling spouse, you’re not likely to care what I […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part IX–Avoid Financial Betrayal: Getting Taken to the Cleaners, the Poorhouse, or Worse–to Jail, ct’d

August 19, 2014 by


The stories continue: Once a month at bill-paying time Janice* finds her usually fairly easy-going husband belligerent and impossible to talk to. Worse, he is sharply critical of her expenditures–and of her. The lifestyle the couple lives fails to match the income that either or both spouses used to have or pretend to have, but Janice remains […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part IV–How to Communicate About Money: The Checkbook

August 19, 2014 by


Ok, so you’re working together to create a financial plan acceptable to both of you.  Why not begin with the checkbook? Ask yourselves this question about how to handle the checkbook–do you want one checkbook–or three? Let’s say you like the first option, of having just one checkbook. So you’ve got a joint account. The […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part V–Laws for Checking Accounts

August 18, 2014 by


No matter which way you decide to divide the checkbook, there should be three laws for checking accounts in a good marriage, according to Opdyke. 1. The Law of Autonomy: In this case, each spouse is allowed to use a certain amount of money each month however s/he desires, no questions asked. Save it, spend […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part VI–Dividing Financial Responsibilities

August 14, 2014 by


So if you’ve spent some time thinking about it, in an organized fashion, you’ll probably realize that there are fundamentally only four different permutations of ways to divide financial responsibilities. You’ll also probably be intimately familiar with one of them. One option: One partner takes control of the family’s finances, and the other partner is […]

Getting Taken to the Cleaners, the Poorhouse, or Worse–to Jail

August 1, 2014 by


As much as your friends and family would love to protect you, it’s really your own job to avoid being betrayed financially, as you’re the one who has all the clues. Be your own detective regarding financially improper or criminal behavior. But how do you read those clues, and what should you be looking for? […]

Money Matters in Couple Relationships–Part III–How to Communicate About Money

July 28, 2014 by


So you’ve bought into my proposition in my last entry that unequal financial power that is not discussed will lead to distancing everywhere, including the bedroom.  But how should couples communicate about such a difficult topic? Let’s start with a few basics. Approach one another when one or both of you recognize an issue is […]