Well, I’ve talked myself out for the moment on the topic of mediation, but thought it might help us to take about 10 giant-”Mother-May-I” steps backwards–to the time when you looked at your to-be-spouse and saw only potential, positivity–and here’s the scary one–perfection. Have you ever found yourself believing your partner to be perfect, in […]
February 17, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Julie came from a wealthy family–grew up with that proverbial silver spoon practically shoved down her throat. Were her parents thrilled when she met Jim, whose highest vocational training had occurred at McDonald’s and who had never owned or rented his own apartment–and then shared the news that the two would be married within a […]
February 12, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
To finish off this series on the blended family, let’s address what happens when the ones campaigning for attention of a certain parent are a child–and the new spouse. Look, let’s face it. Your child has very little cause to be invested in your new marriage. Either he’d like things to go back the way […]
January 16, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Molly is a difficult [in my more honest moments I think of her as nearly tyrannical] early adolescent, who makes her mother’s life a horror. She picks on Mom’s clothes, her hairstyle–the way she chews her toast in the morning. It seems little escapes Molly’s critical eye, despite the fact that her mother Marge has […]
January 15, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
As you may have noticed from that genogram on the first post, family systems therapists are into shapes. A line, a squiggle, a square with an ‘X’ through it–these make our days. But the fundamental unit of relationship is that beautiful, potentially-pythagorean shape: the triangle. Of course, you might argue, isn’t the fundamental unit of […]
January 10, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Before I leave the topic of issues to consider when you’re thinking of leaving your marriage, I wanted to bring up a few situations that make the decision to stay or go vastly more complicated. What happens in a marriage, and are you obligated to stay, when the very ground rules of that marriage have been […]
January 9, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
What do you do when faced with a situation like Trish’s, where your partner loses a career and becomes a mere shadow of him or herself? Or one like Timothy’s, where your life’s mate morphs into someone you don’t know at all? Or one where you’ve become more a nurse-maid than a spouse? Of primary […]
January 9, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Well, your spouse pulled that old Mitt Romney, “I changed my mind” on you, and now you don’t even recognize your own marital territory. It’s hard–and my heart goes out to you. But before you make any decisions, I think you need to get over your righteous indignation. Yes, you’re right that it’s unfair–it really […]
January 9, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Betty and Brian were devout atheists, and had been since they were teenagers. So when her Catholic family and his Jewish family protested about their marriage, they laughed at the small-mindedness of their parents and threw themselves a huge wedding bash. Lisa and Leon knew one thing for certain–they didn’t want children. It was nice […]
January 9, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Tamika and Timothy had an unusual arrangement, but it worked for them. Tamika, an open-heart surgeon, became quite successful, to the point where she was able to take only private pay patients. She surely brought home the bacon. And Timothy did the frying up in the pan. He finished college with a degree in education, but never worked–they married […]
January 9, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
Here’s a statistic from Dr. Paul Amato, sociologist at Penn State University, that I find staggering: Around 55-60 percent of divorces occur in low-conflict marriages, where hollering is at a minimum, and arguments might even be quite rare. Dr. Amato calls these marriages “good enough” marriages, with the distinct implication that these relationships could be salvaged. So […]
February 20, 2012 by candidaabrahamson
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